Mutant, Hamster, Meerkat, Chipmunk, ATTACK!
by ElementalHippiPerson
Summary: Jasper gives Edward some odd pets, and Edward gets an eternity of torture...!
1. Poor Little Chinchilla

**Mutant, Hamster, Meerkat, Siberian-Chipmunk, ATTACK!!**

**PETS!!**

* * *

**I do not own Twilight or any of the characters in Twilight.**

**Warning: My story may contain Out Of Character-ness.**

**BEWARE!!**

* * *

**Edward's Point Of View**

I was watching Blues Clues In the living room, when Jasper came up to me, and screamed, "EDWARD!!"

I stood up.

"I have some presents for you!" He said.

"What is it?" I asked, greatly annoyed.

"PETS!!" He screamed while shoving a basket with a baby Meerkat, Siberian-Chipmunk, Hamster, and a strange looking purple thing.

"What's this purple thing?" I asked.

"A mix." He said.

"What's it mixed with?"

"Siberian-chipmunk, meerkat, and Hamster."

"How?" I asked.

"The poor thing was a science experiment. He was originally a chinchilla." Jasper said all depressing like.

"Uh-huh." I said, "Why are you giving them to me?"

"Reasons that the mind cannot comprehend."

"Uh-huh. Who gave them to you?"

"An invisible person!" Jasper said.

"What invisible person?" I asked.

"Katoto!"

"Who's Katoto?"

"An invisible person!" Jasper said.

"What invisible person?!" I asked.

"Katata!"

"Wait! I thought it was Katoto!"

"It is Katoto."

"You just said it was Katata."

"It's BOTH!!" Jasper said.

"Are they your imaginary friends?" I said.

"No! They're invisible persons!" Jasper said.

"You're a retard!" I said.

"You're a psycho-path!" Jasper said.

"You're an emotional person!" I said.

"You're a dark person!" Jasper said.

"You're a normal person!" I said.

"Le gasp! You take that back, you lava lamp!"

"Grunt. Sigh. Gasp. That's cold, home bro."

"Oh. Sorry. Truce?"

"Sure."

"Wanna go break Emmet's G.I. Joe dolls?"

"Sure."

Before we could take a step, a sobbing Mexican comes through the door and says, "Screw you, Berto!"

"What?" Jasper asked.

"Who's Berto?" I asked.

Then, as he ignored us he said, "Sometimes I want to control things so badly!" Then he went into the closet and sobbed.

"Control what?" Jasper asked.

"Who's Berto?!" I asked.

"We may never know."

"That reminds me, what are these animals' names?" I asked Jasper.

"The Meerkat's name is, Artemis. The Hamster's name is, Thalia. The Siberian-chipmunk's name is, Hecate. And the Mutant's name is, Luna. They're all girls." Jasper said.

"Uh-huh." I said.

Then another Mexican came through the door – an un-sobbing one this time – and said, "We can work things out!"

"Should we deal with them?" Jasper asked.

"We'll let someone else do it." I said.

**Emmet's Point Of View**

"Edward!" I yelled as I stomped to his room. _He would know who did it._ I thought, _He would know who killed all my G.I. Joe action figures!_ I opened his door, but he wasn't there. Instead, I saw a basket sitting on his couch.

I walked over, and when I saw what was sleeping in it, all the rage I had was replaced with glee. It's impossible to stay mad when looking at them. They're too cute of baby animals!

Then I got to thinking, _What would happen if I poked that purple looking thing?_ I decided to try. They wouldn't mind, they're just baby animals. What could they do?

I poked the purple looking thing, and it woke up. It was cute waking up, it was cute as it growled at me, it was cute as it went into pounce position, it was cute until it did pounce. It pounced onto my face, trying to tear it off by biting and scratching it.

"Hey man. This ain't cool, man! Hey man, get off me!" I yelled.

When I yelled, it woke the others up, and of coarse, they started attacking me too. I didn't know what to do. They don't look so cute anymore.

I tried pulling them off, but they just jumped on again. So, I pulled them off one by one, bit 'em, and threw them so hard against the wall, it went threw it.

When I was done, I realized that it was a bad idea and that Edward would probably torture me for a century. I'll hide by hunting!

On the bright side, I got revenge for my action figures!

* * *

**The cow goes MOO!**

**--**

**Hippi**


	2. To The Pet Store

**Mutant, Hamster, Meerkat, Siberian-Chipmunk, ATTACK!!**

**WHAT?!**

* * *

**I do not own Twilight or any of the characters in Twilight.**

**Warning: My story may contain Out Of Character-ness!**

**BEWARE!!**

* * *

**A Weird, Unannounced, British Narrator Dude's Point Of View**

Being thrown through the wall would have injured any other animal very badly if it didn't kill them-

WHAT?! Are we dead? Is that the whole story? What a rip off!

Don't be silly Luna the... the... Well whatever you are.

Hey! I happen to be a meerkat, hamster and Siberian-chipmunk mixed together!

Oh, so you're a freaky mutant thing!

Hey! You wanna say that to my face?!

Oh, did I make you mad?

KINDA!!

Sorry, sorry. Now, can I please get on with the story?

Yeah, yeah.

Being thrown through the wall would have injured any other animal very badly if it didn't kill them. But these animals are different. These animals are vampire animals. So they don't die very easily.

WHAT?! We're vampires?! Since when?

Please, Luna!! I am trying to narrate a story here!

Sorry! I guess a story is more important than my knowledge!

I'm glad you finally realize that! Now, if you don't mind, I would like to get back to the story!

Fine! But I'm watching you!

Yeah, Yeah. Now, where was I? Oh, yes! They don't die very easily. But they do get very mad, very easily. So Emmet throwing them through a wall didn't help in any way. Let's see what they do to get revenge.

MWAHAHAHAHA!!

"Well that sucked." Artemis, the meerkat said.

Usually, they would be twitching on the floor in pain. But since these were vampire animals, the only way they would be twitching on the floor is for fun. That would be kind of odd.

Now, vampire animals are not the same as vampire humans. Vampire humans crave blood. Vampire animals crave sugar and bubbles. Lots and lots of bubbles.

"Stupid vampire person!" Hecate, the Siberian-chipmunk said.

"Vampires animals, it is time to ATTACK!!" Artemis, the meerkat said.

"REVENGE!!" Hecate, the Siberian-chipmunk screamed.

They all ran back to the hole from which they got thrown out of. Once they were inside Edward's room,they looked everywhere. But Emmet was gone.

"Darn super speedy vampire person!" Hecate, the Siberian-chipmunk said said.

"We should find him! Track his scent or something!" Artemis said.

"Well, duh!" Thalia, the hamster said.

"I think we should forget this whole revenge thing and co-exist with the world and the creatures that inhabit it!" Luna, the mutant said.

"Whoa. Deja vu!" Thalia, the hamster said.

"I KNOW WHAT WOULD BE FUN!!" Luna, the mutant screamed.

"What?" Artemis, the meerkat asked.

"We can jump out a window! It would be like an action movie or something!" Luna, the mutant said.

"PERFECT!" Hecate, the Siberian-chipmunk said.

They all agreed that it would be fun to jump out of a window. They ran up to Edward's wall and then zoomed to the window at super speed and jumped through. Broken glass went everywhere!

When they landed on the ground, they then thought it would be fun to play guns. So they went to a gun shop – I'll spare you the horrifying details – and stole four guns.

Artemis, the meerkat got a shot gun. Hecate, the Siberian-chipmunk got a rifle. Thalia, the hamster got a pistol. And Luna, the mutant got a Airsoft BB gun that looked like a sniper.

They shot at each other. Missing every bullet that came their way. When they were done, they dug into the ground, making a burrow, and discussed their plan.

"That was fun. Now back to business." Artemis, the meerkat said.

"Okay. Who has a plan?" Thalia asked.

"I do!" Hecate, the Siberian-chipmunk said, "First: We get a huge strong rope, break into the house and tie everybody we can find up. Second: We get a bunch of Febreeze-"

Luna cut Hecate off screaming, "FEBREEZE!!"

"As I was saying! We get a bunch of Febreeze products and fill the house with them to make it smell like Febreeze FOREVER! Third: We get some Febreeze and spray them with it till their faces fall off! Fourth: We find the one that threw us through the wall. Fifth: We get a bunch of Justin Timberlake stuff and torture him with it. And sixth: We find that stupid vampire person that is called 'Jasper' tie him up, beat him with a shovel, and throw him in a closet!" Hecate said.

"But what if we don't survive through Justin Timberlake?" Luna asked.

"We put the music and movies on and then run like hell. Duh!" Artemis, the meerkat said.

"Then we can find Katata and Katoto and deal with them for giving us to that horrible vampire person family!" Thalia, the hamster said.

"When do we attack?" Artemis, the meerkat asked.

"TONIGHT!" Thalia, the hamster said.

"We can't tonight. We need to find some helpers first!" Hecate, the Siberian-chipmunk said.

"What kind of helpers?" Luna, the mutant asked.

"I'm sorry, Luna. But we need... chinchillas." Hecate said.

After a long pause, Luna, the mutant, who used to be a chinchilla before she was mixed into whatever she is now, said, "I need a moment." then jumped into a tree.

"She'll get over it. Time for chinchillas!" Thalia, the hamster said.

"We have to wait for Luna." Artemis, the meerkat said.

"Dang!" Thalia, the hamster said.

A few minutes later, Luna, the mutant came down. And without a word, they went into the woods to find chinchillas. They found one.

"How sad." Luna, the mutant said.

"This sucks! To the pert store!" Artemis, the meerkat said.

"Wait! I see one!" Luna, the mutant said.

"Where?! I can't see any." Artemis, the meerkat said.

"I'm just kidding. I saw no chinchilla." Luna, the mutant said with a laugh.

"Jerk." Thalia, the hamster said.

"Now we should turn this chinchilla into a vampire." Hecate, the Siberian-chipmunk said.

"NOT IT!!" Luna, the mutant screamed.

"Gosh." Artemis, the meerkat said.

"I'll do it." Thalia, the hamster said. Then she went up to the poor chinchilla and bit him. They all watched the chinchilla twitch on the ground.

"Well, this could take a while. What do you want to do now?" Artemis, the meerkat asked.

"TO THE PET STORE!!" Hecate, the Siberian-chipmunk screamed.

After they all agreed, they ran out of the forest and got to the pet store in no time. They went inside, hiding in every hiding place there was, and went over to where they thought a chinchilla would be. They were wrong. Instead, they found fish.

"FISH!" Hecate, the Siberian-chipmunk screamed.

"Good job little vampire chipmunk. Now, if you can tell us what they're swimming in, you get a cookie!" Thalia, the hamster said.

"They're swimming in water! Do I get my cookie now?!" Hecate, the Siberian-chipmunk asked sarcastically.

They went along the aisles, hiding and looking for chinchillas, when, without warning, Hecate, the Siberian-chipmunk screamed, "MONKEYS! We can use monkeys!"

"Where did you get the idea for monkeys?" Thalia, the hamster asked.

"In my mind." Hecate, the meerkat said.

"Can I have a lizard?" Luna, the mutant asked.

"Why?" Artemis, the meerkat asked.

"I get lonely." Luna, the mutant replied.

"No." Artemis, the meerkat said.

"Darn." Luna, the mutant said.

"SNAKES!" Hecate, the Siberian-chipmunk screamed.

"NO!" The meerkat, hamster and mutant said.

"But we need more then one kind of animal to help us!" Hecate, the Siberian-chipmunk said.

"I agree." Luna, the mutant said.

"Me too." Thalia, the hamster said.

"WHEE!!" Artemis, the meerkat said. Then they all went to search for any animal that could be useful. I'll spare you the details of how they got the animals out of their cage, under control, and out the store.

But I will tell you that Luna, the mutant got five birds and a komodo dragon. Hecate, the Siberian-chipmunk got twelve snakes. Thalia, the hamster got two turtles. And Artemis, the meerkat got a rabbit.

When they were all out of the pet store, they ran to the forest. Once they were deep inside the forest, they looked at the animals and thought of how they could be useful.

"Ooh, a bunny!" Hecate, the Siberian-chipmunk said.

Then the chinchilla they bit earlier stopped twitching and got on his feet. He looked around and asked, "What the hell happened?!"

"You got vamped." Hecate, the Siberian-chipmunk said.

"What?!" The chinchilla asked.

"You got turned into a vampire!" Thalia, the hamster said.

"WHAT?!" The chinchilla asked.

"Who got the komodo dragon?" Thalia, the hamster asked. Completely ignoring the chinchilla.

"Ooh. He could be helpful." Hecate, the Siberian-chipmunk said.

"No. Max is mine!" Luna, the mutant said.

"Fine." Hecate, the Siberian-chipmunk said.

"We should turn them into vampires now." Thalia, the hamster said.

After Thalia, the hamster said that, the chinchilla screamed, "WHAT?!" and passed out.

Then they all started turning all animals, but the komodo dragon, into vampires.

**Edwards Point Of View**

* * *

I went into my room, when I noticed something was wrong. Very wrong. Something was missing. "OH NO!" I screamed, "MY PETS! MY PETS ARE GONE!"

Then Jasper came up to my room and said, "Oh, that's too bad. I thought vampire animals were different. I was wrong."

"WHAT?! They're vampires?!" I asked.

"Yep." Jasper said.

"Well, what are we gonna do to get them back?!" I asked.

"I don't know! We're screwed now! We can never find them ever again!" Jasper said. Obviously he was picking up my emotions. Then he said, "I have to go!" And left.

Then I noticed the giant hole in my wall and screamed, "WHAT?!"

* * *

**Lava lamps have FUN!**

**--**

**Hippi**


	3. Edward Meets Katata and Katoto

**Mutant, Hamster, Meerkat, Siberian-Chipmunk, ATTACK!!**

**WEIRD!**

**I do not own Twilight or anything by Stephanie Meyer.**

**May contain a lot O.O.C. (Out Of Character...ness).**

**BEWARE!!**

**Edward's Point Of View**

After fixing that stupid whole in my wall, I sat on my couch for a while to think.

_Where have my new pets gone? Did they get animal-napped? Did they get mad and run away? Where did Jasper get those things anyway? How many licks _DOES_ it take to get to the center of that stupid lollipop?_

After thinking for a few seconds, I decided to go downstairs for no reason at all.

When I got downstairs, I saw Emmet and Jasper sitting on the couch watching TV. What was weird about it was that Emmet had a video camera pointed at Jasper. Oh, and that Jasper was watching Dora the Explorer. I don't know why he would be watching that stupid show! It's for little kids and- OH MY KLONDIKE!! Dora's teaming up with Diego! Go, Diego, Go!

I went and jumped onto the couch next to Jasper.

"Dude, what up with you?" Jasper asked.

"C-c-can't talk." I said with a bit of a stutter, "T-t-too- OH MY KLONDIKE! Look at it! It is awesome! Diego is great, but Diego AND Dora! They're working together! Today TV becomes the greatest thing in the world. We are-"

"DUDE! You made me miss the rest of the show by talking about whatever you were talking about! Thanks a lot you stupid jack-"

"JASPER! The Show is over!" I said, interrupting Jasper. "You made me miss the entire show! Thanks a lot!

"Whatevah! I ain't takin' da blame for dis!" Jasper said.

I had just noticed that there was something different about Jasper. What could it be. Then, I remembered, I could read his mind... So, you know, I read it. But all Jasper thought was,_ YOUTUBE! YOUTUBE! YOUTUBE! YOUTUBE!_

Since that didn't turn out too well, I decided to take a look into Emmet's mind. _YOUTUBE! YOUTUBE YOUTUBE! YOUTUBE! YOUTUBE!_

Not much luck there. So, I decided to point out the obvious. "There's something different about you, Jasper. I just don't know what it is." Then I left the house to search for my pet things.

Once I walked out the front door, I ran into tow little girls.

"Who are you?" I asked. I could have just read their minds, but, after what I just heard in Jasper and Emmet's minds, I didn't want to take a chance.

"I am Katata." Said the girl known as Katata.

"I'm Katoto." Said the girl known as Katoto.

These must be the girls that gave Jasper the pets that I lost. I wonder what they would do if they found out I lost them... I won't risk it.

"I am Edward." I said.

Katata and Katoto looked at each other, then at me, and said, "We know."

Talk about creepy.

"Okay... Why are you so lifeless?" I asked.

"What are you talking about?" Katata asked.

"We're not lifeless. Can't you see?" Katoto asked.

"We're full of joy." Katata said.

"I feel so sorry for you right now." I said.

"We don't feel sorry for you." Katata said.

"Why would you feel sorry for me?" I asked.

"Your life is going to be an eternity of torture." Katoto said.

"But, right now, my life is going pretty well. Except for a little mishap, but other than that, I'm happy." I said.

Once again, Katata and Katoto looked at each other, then at me, and said, "Not for long." Then, they walked around me and inside the house.

Creepy... again...

I walked into the street, deciding where I should start my search for my pets. The forest seemed like a good idea, 'cause, there's a lot of trees and stuff.

I went into the tree place, using my super speed.

I looked around the forest, not having much luck, when I heard animal feet.

I ran in the direction of the animal paws, and when I was close enough to see where they were and what they were doing, what I saw was shocking!

My pets were there, but they weren't alone. There were a bunch of other little creatures with them. Frogs, birds, mountain lions, grizzly bears and chinchillas. But mostly chinchillas.

It looked as if they were building an army!

WAIT!

Is that what Katata and Katoto meant when they said I was in for an eternity of torture?!

I shutter to just think about it...

I got out of there as fast as I could, going back to my house.


	4. World Domination is Near!

**Mutant, Hamster, Meerkat, Chipmunk, ATTACK!**

**OMG!**

* * *

**I do not own Twilight or any of the characters in Twilight.**

**Warning: My story may contain Out Of Character-ness.**

**BEWARE!!**

* * *

**A Weird, Unannounced, British Narrator Dude's Point Of View... again**

Hello there. I will be narrating this chapter because Jasper is having mental issues.

Let's begin.

Katata and Katoto entered the Cullen house and went into the living room.

They saw Jasper sitting on the couch with his brother, Emmet.

They went over to the couch and simultaneously said, "Hello Jasper."

Jasper looked at them and said, "Yo, my peeps! Why you here, yo?"

Katata and Katoto looked at Emmet, who was filming them with his video camera, and Katata said, "Leave."

"Who? Me?" Emmet asked.

"Yes. Leave. Now," Katoto said.

Emmet thought for a second then said, "Okay." and left the room.

"Why are you talking like that, Jasper?" Katoto asked.

"Talkin' like what?" Jasper asked.

"Like a gangster," Katata said.

"I don't know what yo talkin' 'bout," Jasper said

"Never mind," Katoto said.

"We're here about the pets you got from us," Katata said.

"The pets you gave Edward," Katoto said.

"What about 'em?" Jasper asked.

"They are destined to destroy the world," Katata said.

"What?" Jasper asked.

"Don't you mean 'WHAT?' as in screaming in fear?" Katoto asked.

"No," Jasper said.

"Are you mentally challenged?" Katata asked.

"Sometimes. But the real question is, are you?" Jasper asked.

"All the time," Katata and Katoto said at the same time.

"I knew it!" Jasper said.

"So does everybody else," Katata said.

"Back to the point," Katoto said.

"What point?" Jasper asked.

"We are trying to tell you that the animals we gave you are going to take over the world and that there's nothing you or anyone else can do to stop it!" Katata said.

"Oh. Why you tellin' me dis?" Jasper asked.

"We were bored and decided to rub it in," Katoto said.

"Right. Bye," Jasper said.

"Jasper, whatever they did to you really screwed you up," Katata said.

"I know," Jasper said.

**Edward's Point Of View**

I ran to the front door of my house, and ran into Katata and Katoto again.

"Evil girl things!" I said, "You have to help me! The pets you gave Jasper and the he gave me are in the woods building an army of animals!"

"Is it a big army?" Katata asked.

"Yeah," I said.

"Good," Katoto said. Then Katata and Katoto walked past me and creepily into the forest.

I got the feeling that this is what those animals were meant for.

WAIT A SECOND!!

Katata and Katoto gave us those pets on purpose so we would drive them to runaway and build an army to take over the world!

OMG!

We're all gonna die!

Oh, wait. We're vampires. We're not gonna die. Phew.

WAIT!

That's even worse! We're not gonna die, so we're all going to be turned into slaves for those power hungry animals!

OH NO!

We're all gonna suffer for the rest of eternity!

I ran inside and went into the living room.

I found Jasper on the couch, again, and told him about the pets in the woods and the army and then how creepy Katata and Katoto are.

And then I told him how they were planning for those animals to take over the world and enslave us all!

When I was done telling Jasper all this, he said, "I know,"

"WHAT?!" I asked.

"Katata and Katoto told me all about it,"

"Why?"

"They were rubbin' it in," Jasper said.

"Oh. Well, I'm pretty sure we have to stop them," I said.

"Can't,"

"Why?"

"Katata and Katoto said it was unstoppable," Jasper said.

"Oh, well then. I'll be in my room,"

"Whatevah,"

I went to my room and decided to stare at my wall for no reason at all.

Then the doorbell rang.

I went downstairs and answered the door, and I saw my worst nightmare.

* * *

**Hugs, not drugs!**

**--**

**Hippi**


	5. The Vampire Animal Army Attacks!

**Mutant, Hamster, Meerkat, Chipmunk, ATTACK!**

**ATTACK!!!**

* * *

**I do not own Twilight or any of the characters in Twilight.**

**Warning: My story may contain Out Of Character-ness.**

**BEWARE!!**

* * *

**Edward's Point Of View**

I went downstairs and answered the door, and I saw my worst nightmare.

I saw a door to door salesman!

"Hello. Would you like to buy a magazine?" the salesman said.

"No," I said.

"Please," he said.

"No," I said again.

"Fine," he said, then he walked away.

I was about to close the door when I saw my other worst nightmare.

"AH!" I screamed.

"Hello. Would you like to buy some girl scout cookies?" a little girl asked.

"No," I said to the two little girls in the doorway.

"Why not?" the other little girl asked.

"I don't like cookies," I said.

"But we need to sell the most cookies to win a really cool bike," one of the girls said.

"No," I said.

"Fine. Jackass," they said as they walked away.

How offensive!

I closed the door - happy to be rid of those people - and was about to walk away when I heard the doorbell ring.

I opened the door again, and this time, I saw my worst of worst nightmares.

I saw my pets! But it wasn't just them. Behind them was the entire army I saw in the forest. But there were more of them!

OH NO!

They came running in the house and knocked me down and tied me up with a surprisingly strong rope. Then, they sprayed me with Febreze!!

The Horror!

I saw the other animals doing the same thing to Jasper, Alice, Esme and Carlisle. I looked the other way and saw them tying up Rosalie – which was kinda funny to watch – and Emmet trying to film the entire thing.

It was all so sad to watch. All except for Rosalie. That was just funny.

Once the animals were done tying all of us up and spraying us with Febreze, they went all around the house tearing things up and throwing things around.

Then, when they were done with that, they came back to us, opened a couple of closets, and threw Jasper and Emmet in each closet.

After they were done tearing our house up and spraying us with Febreze and throwing some of us in closets, they ran out the front door, the windows, some went through the walls for some reason.

And then it finally occurred to me, they're vampire animals!!!

**Weird Unannounced, British Narrator Dude's Point Of View**

Thalia, the hamster, Artemis, the meerkat, Luna, the mutant thingy and Hecate, the chipmunk, were in the forest with their army of vampire animals.

"We will go into the Cullen house and tie the Cullen's up for revenge of throwing us through walls and all that stuffs," Thalia, the hamster said.

"Then, once we're done with them, we go on to taking over the world!" Artemis, the meerkat said.

"BWAHAHAHAHA!!" Hecate, the chipmunk said.

"I have a question," a chinchilla said.

"What?" Artemis, the meerkat asked.

"What will we do after we take over the world?" the chinchilla asked.

"We will, um, we will, what will we do after we take over the world?" Thalia, the hamster asked.

"We will rule the world," Luna, the mutant said.

"YAY!" all the animals in the army yelled.

"Yes, yes, I'm sure that's going to be fun and all, but what will we do besides that?" the same chinchilla asked.

"Um, we will, gather up all the human vampires, and torture them with febreze and kitty cats!" Hecate, the chipmunk said.

"That works for me," the chinchilla said.

"YAY!" all the vampire animals yelled again.

Everything was silent for a while. Or as some like to phrase it, an awkward silence occurred.

"Well, I guess that's it," Artemis, the meerkat said.

"I guess we should attack the Cullen's now," Hecate, the chipmunk said.

"Yeah," Thalia, the hamster said.

"Charge?" Artemis, the meerkat asked the others.

"No," Luna, the mutant said. "ATTACK!"

All the vampire animals ran out of the forest and to the Cullen house. They burst through the doors and knocked Edward to the ground.

Then, they all divided up into four different groups. Thalia, the hamster's group went after Jasper and Emmet, Artemis, the meerkat's group went after Edward and Rosalie. Hecate, the chipmunk's group went after Esme, Alice and Carlisle. Then, the last group, which was Luna, the mutant's group, went all around the house and pulled things off shelves, broke dishes from the cabinets and trashed the entire house.

When all the different groups were done tying vampire humans, spraying them with Febreze an trashing the house, it was time to leave.

But instead of all of them leaving through the front door, some of them scattered around the house and jumped through walls and windows and ran back to the forest.

"BWAHAHAHAHA!!" all the animals yelled as they ran.

* * *

**FEBREZE!!**

**--**

**Hippi**


	6. The Haunting

**Mutant, Hamster, Meerkat, Chipmunk, ATTACK!**

**AH!**

* * *

**Edward's Point Of View**

After the animal army left and I discovered that they're all really vampire animals, everyone started untying themselves and Emmet got out of the closet.

But for some reason, Jasper didn't come out of the closet at all. He didn't make a sound either. Something must me wrong.

"Jasper," I said. "What are you still doing in the closet?"

"I don't want to come out," he said.

"The animal army is gone, Jasper," Alice said.

"Come out of the closet, Jasper," Emmet said.

"He he. I get it," Rosalie said.

"That's not funny!" Jasper said.

"Jasper, come out of the closet or we'll drag you out!" Emmet said.

"I don't believe you!" Jasper said.

"Dang it. Edward, go get him," Emmet said to me.

"No," I said.

"Jasper, come out of that frackin closet or I'll go get a machine gun and blow your frick frackin head off!" Rosalie yelled.

"...Damn," Carlisle said.

"Damn," Jasper said as he came out of the closet.

"Super damn," I said.

"Hey-o," Alice said.

"Wham, bam thank you, ma'am," Rosalie said.

"He, he. Good one," Emmet said to Rosalie.

"I grow tired of this," Esme said as she walked out of the room and up the stairs.

"Well, then," I said.

"So, what do we do about the vampire animal army thing?" Emmet asked.

"We have two options," Carlisle said. "We either do nothing and act like none of this ever happened, or we go to the Volturi and ask them help us stop the animal army from ending the world,"

"The question is, which one sounds funner?" Rosalie asked.

"Well, the second one sounds more exciting, but the first one sounds more relaxing," Emmet said.

"I'm torn apart by these decisions," Jasper said.

"I know," Alice said. "They're both calling out to me, I can't decide,"

"Wait a couple of seconds," I said. "We have a third option,"

"What is it?" Rosalie asked.

"We do both," I said.

"I'm down with that," Jasper said.

"WHOO HOO!" Emmet yelled.

At that moment, we heard a scream from upstairs.

"What the hell was that" Emmet asked.

"Esme?" I asked.

"No, I'm right here," Esme said.

"When did you get here?" Alice asked.

"Does it matter?" Esme asked.

"Are you avoiding the question?" Carlisle asked.

"No," Esme said.

"Yes you are. I read your mind," I said.

"Are you sure you really know that's what I'm thinking?" Esme asked.

"Yes," I said.

"Are you positive?" Esme asked.

"Almost," I said, thinking about it a bit. Then I said, "are you trying to confuse me?"

"Maybe," Esme said. "But the real question is, are you confusing yourself?"

"Whoa," I said.

"I'm perplexed," Rosalie said.

Before anyone could say anything else, we heard another scream.

"Maybe someone should go upstairs and find out who's screaming," Emmet said.

"But if we did, then there would be no mystery. Duh," Alice said.

"That makes sense," Jasper said.

"But do we want mystery?" Carlisle asked.

"Good question," I said.

We heard another scream, and then we saw a giant exercise ball rolling down the stairs.

"Awkward," Alice said.

"Who would throw an exercise ball down the stairs and not come down with it?" Rosalie asked.

"I think it's time to find out," Carlisle said.

We all went up the stairs and searched all the rooms and hiding places and found nothing.

"I guess there isn't anyone up here," I said.

"But, who screamed and threw an exercise ball down the stairs?" Emmet asked.

"Apparently no one. I don't smell anything that wasn't already here," Esme said.

"Hey," Jasper said. "When did we get an exercise ball?"

"Holy crap!" Emmet said.

"We never got an exercise ball," Carlisle said.

"This is getting weird," Emmet said.

"There's only one explanation for all of this," Esme said.

"What," Rosalie asked.

"We're haunted," Esme said.

"BUM BUM BUM!" Emmet chimed.

We all looked at him.

"What," he said. "I thought it was appropriate for what was said,"

"Good point," Carlisle said.

* * *

**OOOH!!**

**-- Hippi**


	7. Exercise Balls of Doom!

**Mutant, Hamster, Meerkat, Chipmunk, ATTACK!**

**Exercise Balls of Death**

* * *

**I do not own Twilight or any of the characters in Twlight.**

**Warning: My story may contain Out Of Character-ness.**

**BEWARE!!**

* * *

**Edward's Point Of View**

"Why would we be haunted?" Jasper asked as we all went downstairs. "We didn't do anything wrong."

"Or did we?" Emmet asked. "Who pissed off the spirits from the underworld?"

"I bet it was Rosalie," Esme said.

"What! Why me?" Rosalie asked.

"Well, you're always so mean and it kind of annoys people," Esme said.

"I agree," I said.

"Grrr," Rosalie said.

"You know what I don't understand," Alice said.

"How a ghost got into our house?" Emmet asked.

"No," Alice said.

"How ghost came to be" I asked.

"No," Alice said. "I don't understand how a ghost got a huge exercise ball through the door."

"That's a simple question, that comes with a simple answer," Emmet said. "The ghost simply brought the exercise ball through the door when the ball had no air in it and was completely flat."

"But how did a ghost blow up the exercise ball, when a ghost can't blow air into anything?" Alice asked.

"How do you know a ghost can't blow air into anything?" Emmet asked.

"Isn't it obvious?" Alice asked.

"Apparently not," Emmet said, offended.

"Well, it's a ghost-" Alice said.

"Oh, so since it's a ghost," Emmet said, cutting Alice off. "Then it automatically can't blow air into a simple exercise ball?"

"They don't have any air left in them, Emmet," Alice said, angrily.

"How do you know that? Are you some kind of ghost expert or something?" Emmet asked.

"No," Alice said.

"Okay," Emmet said.

"If ghosts can't blow things up, then how did the ghost get the exercise ball get in here?" I asked. "I thought they couldn't touch anything solid."

"And, why would a ghost want an exercise ball?" Jasper said. "It's not like it can exercise at all."

"I have a bad feeling about this," Carlisle said.

"But, we're vampires! The ghost can't hurt us," Rosalie said.

"But the ghost can scare us," Emmet said.

"Why would we be scared if we can't get hurt?" Rosalie asked.

"Because, I heard ghost can posses anyone they want. Including vampires," Emmet said. And at that moment, Emmet starting twitching like a maniac. Then, he fell to the floor and starting seizing!

"Emmet, what's wrong?" Rosalie asked, kneeling to his side.

"He appears to be seizing," Carlisle said.

"But, vampires can't have seizures," Alice said.

"Then there's only one explanation," Esme said. "Emmet is being possessed,"

"NOOOOOO!!" Rosalie cried out.

I've always wanted to know what a possessed vampire thinks about, and now is my chance to find out. WHOO HOO!

I looked into Emmet's mind to see what it looks like from his point of view, and what I saw made me start laughing uncontrollably. I looked into Alice's mind to see if she knew what was making me laugh, and she did.

The others saw me laughing, and Rosalie asked, "What's so funny?"

"Nothing," I lied.

I looked over at Alice, and she was laughing, too.

Then, Emmet stopped seizing and sat up while screaming, "AAAH!"

When he stopped screaming, Rosalie asked, "Emmet? Can you hear me, Emmet?"

"Emmet's not here anymore," Emmet said in a creepy voice.

"NOOO!" Rosalie screamed, again.

"I have taken this body so I can kill you all!" Emmet said.

"Why, Emmet, why?" Rosalie asked.

"Your soul will be mine," Emmet said in that creepy voice again.

I started laughing like a maniac.

"Will you stop that?" Rosalie yelled at me.

At that moment, Emmet started laughing too.

"Oh no! The evil spirit is laughing all evil like!" Jasper said in terror.

"Haha! There is no evil spirit!" Emmet said.

"WHAT?!" Everyone yelled.

"I tricked you all! Well, except for Edward and Alice, but you should have seen the looks on your faces!" Emmet said laughing.

"That wasn't funny, Emmet!" Rosalie said.

"It was to us," I said, continuing with my laughing spree.

But, me, Emmet and Alice stopped laughing when we heard a loud, echoing voice that said, "_GET OUT!_"

"This isn't another stupid joke, is it?" Rosalie asked.

"No. I swear," Emmet said.

"_GET OUT!_" the voice said, again.

"This must be the ghost we have," Carlisle said.

"_GET OUT OR SUFFER!_" the ghost said.

"No!" Emmet said. "This is our house, not yours!"

"_BIG MISTAKE!_" the ghost said.

Then, all the windows and doors slammed shut. Dishes started falling out of the cabinet and breaking on the floor.

"Crap," Esme said.

"Good job, Emmet. You made the ghost mad," Alice said.

"Now, we're probably going to get a bunch of dishes thrown at us!" Jasper said.

Then, Jasper got hit in the head. But it wasn't a dish, it was a big exercise ball.

"Hey," Jasper said.

Then Alice got hit with a different exercise ball.

"What the hell," Alice said.

BOOM, BOOM, BOOM

We all looked towards the stairs and saw a bunch of exercise balls bouncing towards us.

"AAAH!" Emmet screamed.

Then we all started getting hit with giant exercise balls. They kept coming and coming! They wouldn't stop.

We started looking for a way out. We ran toward the door, but it wouldn't budge. We looked for another way out, and saw the windows. We ran at top speed and jumped, trying to break through the glass, but we just bounced off, like rubber.

"We're gonna DIE!" Emmet said.

"Yes, Emmet," Carlisle said. "Yes we are."

* * *

**BOOM!**

**--**

**Hippi**


	8. World Domination!

**Mutant, Hamster, Meerkat, Siberian-chipmunk, ATTACK!!**

**World Domination**

* * *

**I do not own Twilight or any of the characters in Twilight.**

**I do not own YouTube.**

**Warning: My story may contain Out Of character-ness.**

**BEWARE!**

* * *

**A Weird, Unannounced, British Narrator Dude's Point Of View**

Much has happened since the vampire animal army attacked the Cullen's. They have taken over the entire state of Washington and have spread their army to Oregon and Idaho.

Right now, though, Artemis the meerkat, Thalia the hamster, Hecate the chipmunk and Luna the mutant were in the Swan's house – which they now own – eating all the sugar bubbles they could get.

Where are the Swan's themselves, you ask. They are tied up in the living room, forced to watch every episode of Barney ever made.

"We've taken over Washington, Oregon and Idaho," Artemis the meerkat said. "What do we do now?"

"We continue our rain of terror and take over all of America," Hecate the chipmunk said.

"I agree! Which state do we take over next?" Thalia the hamster asked.

"We should take over YouTube!" Luna the mutant said.

"YAY!" all the vampire animals yelled.

"Where's YouTube?" Luna the mutant asked.

There was a short silence, and then Artemis the meerkat said, "Let's take over Wisconsin, instead!"

"YAY!" all the vampire animals yelled again.

"We should celebrate the soon to be victory with sugar bubbles!!" Thalia the hamster said.

"You get the sugar," Luna the mutant said. "and I'll get the bubbles!"

Luna ran out of the kitchen, a few minutes later she came back with a big bottle of bubbles.

Artemis, Thalia and Hecate starting looking for the sugar. Making a mess as they dumped their cabinets out, until they found the sugar.

After the vampire animals feasted on sugar bubbles, Luna asked, "Now what?"

"To Wisconsin!" Hecate the chipmunk said.

"GO GO GO!" Thalia the hamster yelled. And they ran out the window and all the to Wisconsin. Turning animals into vampire animals as they went.

**Bella's Point Of View**

I was walking down the stairs when it happened.

When the front door got knocked down and three little animals and mutated looking thing came in and tied me and Charlie up, tossed us in the living room and put on a never ending marathon of Barney.

How horrible!

After they put Barney on, they left the living room. Two seconds later I heard a bunch of crashing noises. They must be in the kitchen breaking dishes for some reason.

Something was very strange about these animals. They must have super strength because they knocked down the door, and I'm pretty sure tiny little animals can't do that.

They also seemed to be very very fast judging by how they literally zoomed out of the living room.

But how is that even possible? Unless they were vampires! But that's not possible. Or is it?

I didn't get to think about that much further because the mutated one came back into the living room and started waving it's little paws around.

I had no idea what it was doing.

Maybe some kind of weird tribal dance or something. I wonder if that's something I should be worried about...

The mutant vampire animal thingy started waving its paws around again. But, this time it moved it's hands in a way to make it look like it was blowing in between its fingers.

"I don't understand you," I said slowly, not sure if it could understand me or not.

The mutant thing went away for a while, then came back with a blank piece of paper and a marker.

It started to draw, which is surprising 'cause I didn't think vampire animals could draw.

Once it was done, it turned the pad over and I saw a picture of a bottle of bubbles with a question mark next to it.

Under had the words 'World Domination!' in big bold letters

"You want to know about world domination?" I asked.

The mutant vampire animal shook its head and started pointing at the bubbles.

"Oh. Um... on my desk," I said.

The mutated vampire animal went upstairs and came back down with a bottle of bubbles in its little animal paws.

It went into the kitchen to join the other vampire animals and they stayed in there for hours.

Could the 'World Domination!' have meant the vampire animals were planning on taking over the world? I did hear on the news the other day, that there had been a bunch of animal sighting all over Oregon and Idaho. Could the vampire animals have already started their world domination plan?

I couldn't think about it anymore because my eyeballs were starting to burn from watching so much Barney!

I have the 'I love you' song stuck in my head, now!

_I love you. You love me. We're a happy fam_-

"Bella, what's going on?" Charlie asked.

"Well Charlie, four super animals burst our front door down, stole my bubbles and are now in the kitchen wasting all of of my very beloved bubbles and are probably causing world domination right at this very moment," I said.

"Oh. Okay," Charlie said.

I heard another crash and saw the vampire animals running out of the house. Going off to destroy the world...

**Weird, Unannounced, British Narrator Dude's Point Of View**

Three weeks have passed since we last saw our fury vampire animal friends.

That's because they've been busy taking over the rest of the world.

Now, an army of vampire animals lives in every continent, every country, every state, every town and every island. They control the lives of every human and vampire there is.

Their army grows every day and so does their torture. That's right. Torture. They make 25% of humanity and vampiranity turn a really big and heavy metal wheel, while they sit on a throne and spray them with an endless supply of Febreze.

The other 75% of humanity and vampiranity do other mindless things while either watching something horrid – like Barney or High School Musical 1, 2 or 3 – or being sprayed with something that was not water.

Where are the Cullen's and the Swan's, you ask.

Still stuck in their same places we last left them.

The Cullen's, being haunted in their house, never able to leave. And the Swan's, still watching Barney.

And now, we say goodbye to our fury vampire animal friends as they enjoy their rain of terror. Creating happy memories – of destruction and Febreze - as they continue to spread their vampire animal army to the marine life in all the oceans. So there is no escaping them and their world domination.

* * *

**The End**

**--**

**Hippi**


End file.
